Tips for life after an abusive relationship
At Gepp Solicitors we recognise that the legal process is only part of the journey to freedom from an abusive relationship. Whilst we can provide expert advice in relation to the law, we also seek to signpost people towards the other support they may need. This may be practical support regarding housing, finances, schooling or child maintenance. Or emotional support in relation to isolation, poor mental well-being or loss of self-esteem.
As everyone’s circumstances are different, we take care to understand the needs of those whom we advise.
Safety
Feeling safe is a key component of moving forwards. We have identified several practical steps that may help with this:
There are two types of order that can be applied for in the family court, a non-molestation order or an occupation order. These orders provide protection by restricting what your ex-partner can do.
Change passwords for all online accounts, this could include social media, banking and emails. Ensure that privacy settings on social media accounts are set to private so that only your friends and contacts have access. Avoid sharing information that readily identifies your location.
- Mobile Number/landline Numbers
Change your mobile number and landline number and only share these carefully with those you trust. Deactivate all location tracking apps.
Change locks on windows and doors. Install video doorbell and other security measures. Install sensor lights. Park your car where it cannot be blocked in.
Take a new route to work. Leave and return your home at different times. Use different supermarkets. Speak to your employers about changing working hours and locations. Change appointment times.
If there are children in the relationship this can make it extremely difficult to break ties with an abusive ex-partner. There are steps that can be taken to ensure that contact is safe for all involved.
- Formalise child arrangements in the family court
Apply to the court to formalise agreed child contact arrangements in a Court Order. This will reduce the need for communication in the long term. If the arrangements cannot be agreed, an application can be made for the court to decide. The court will consider all safeguarding concerns and, when appropriate, the wishes and feelings of the children.
Arrange for handovers to take place in a public area. Ensure the area is well lit. Consider whether it is covered by CCTV. Consider whether drop offs and pick ups can be done at school.
Use parenting apps to communicate and share information. Avoid contact via messaging services that can be edited or deleted. Save any communication that shows on-going abusive behaviour.
- Seek support from third parties
Finances
The ending of the relationship will likely mean that all financial ties will need to be severed. In an abusive relationship this can be an extremely uncertain and difficult time. An abusive partner may seek to control the finances or may try to leave their partner in a financially vulnerable situation.
Be aware that your abusive ex-partner may try to control, intimidate or mislead you about your finances. Make sure you understand your rights in law and what would represent a fair and reasonable split of any assets. A solicitor will advise you as to your position and the next steps required. If financial control has played a part in your relationship this can also be discussed.
Ensure you have access to your money. Seek advice from your bank. Find out if there is any immediate action you can take to protect money in joint accounts. Open accounts in your sole name.
Find out what benefits you may be entitled to. Even if you are working full time, there may be support available whilst you are re-building your life. The Citizens Advice bureau will be able to assist with this.
Ensure the correct amount of child maintenance is being paid. You can use the Child Maintenance Service online calculator as a guide. Seek advice from the Child Maintenance Service (CMS). Consider payment options, the CMS provide a “Collect and Pay” service where the money is not paid directly between the parents. This is a way of creating further distance from an abusive ex-partner.
At Gepp solicitors we pride ourselves on our empathetic approach. We will advise you on the law and we will support you and listen to you. When possible, we will signpost you to support groups and other agencies that will be able to help you further. We understand that moving on from an abusive relationship will take time and will be different for each person. We aim to provide the service that you require to allow you to do this successfully.
