Blog edited August 2024
Whilst the kids might not want to be thinking about going back to school, for some parents, the end of the summer holidays can’t come soon enough!
September is a time for new beginnings, as the school year starts and children go into new classes, or even new schools.
The start of the school year can be a turning point in relationships, as many who have put up with their spouse throughout the long holidays reach the end of their tether and start to investigate divorce proceedings.
As divorce lawyers, we often see a rise in people enquiring about divorce as soon as the kids return to school in September.
Looking at these in relation to the summer months, there is a lull as couples and families go on holiday and try to enjoy the (hopefully) nicer weather.
Whilst the summer holidays are not a cause for relationship breakdown, extended periods of time spent together can expose cracks in a marriage, exacerbating existing issues. Like other expensive times of the year, such as Christmas, money worries can become more prominent in the summer holidays as there is a social pressure for holidays and fun activities, usually costing money! This can lead to financial tensions and more arguments as couples struggle to agree on their financial priorities.
It’s no wonder September is a time for increased divorce enquiries! If you are thinking about divorce, here is some intial guidance to help you with next steps.
Deciding to divorce
Making the decision to divorce is unlikely to be easy. You may feel that your marriage has been over for a long time, or perhaps your spouse has just told you they think you should separate. It is a good idea in the first instance to speak to a family lawyer about what your options are. Most family lawyers will give a free initial consultation, which can help you get your head around what you need to do, and whether you want to go through with a divorce.
Legal advice will be really important during the process. Although there are aspects of the divorce process that you can do yourself, speaking to an expert family lawyer will help make the process smoother and less stressful.
Getting a divorce
Once you have made the decision to go through with a divorce, you will need to submit the divorce application by filling in a Form D8 online or by post.
Once your application has been approved by the family court, , you will have a 20-week “cooling off period” before you can apply for the conditional order (previously the Decree Nisi). This is a court order which states that the court sees no reason why you cannot divorce.
After another 6 weeks, you can apply to have the final order (previously the Decree Absolute) granted, legally dissolving your marriage.
Financial settlements
It is important to remember that legally ending your marriage does not automatically break the financial ties between you and your ex-spouse – you will need to have a financial consent order drafted by a family lawyer, and approved by the court, to separate your finances and protect you from any future claims from your ex.
Financial settlements can get complicated, practically and emotionally. Particularly if the marriage has been a long one, or if you have significant assets (money, property, etc.), there can be complexities. At Auckland, we have a network of Financial Advisers, pension, property and budget experts and accountants on hand to support you, alongside your legal team.
child arrangements
The divorce process can be a huge upheaval for children. School and other regular activities provide routine and a sense of security, so keeping this as central is vital for mitigating feelings of displacement and anxiety. It is important to tell your children that you are separating in a way that is appropriate for your family, and for their personalities and ages. A poorly managed divorce can have long-term impacts on children, potentially causing separation anxiety in younger children, or resentment and distancing for older children.
There is professional and legal support available for parents dealing with children, whether infants or teens, and for the children themselves. Information on how to manage children during a divorce can be found here.
Divorce coaches are very helpful when it comes to dealing with emotional and practical decisions, and expert legal advice should be sought when thinking about child arrangement orders.
You do not have to have a court ordered child arrangements structure, you can work out something more casual with your ex-spouse by creating a parenting plan. However, if there are difficulties, you may need court input, and a legally binding order that both you and your ex will need to adhere to.
Resolving disputes in divorce
Sadly, arguments can happen in divorce proceedings. It is a stressful and often overwhelming time, often considered a form of bereavement. If you find yourself at odds with your ex over your financial settlements, or your child arrangements, or anything else, there are various routes available via ‘alternative dispute resolution’ (ADR).
ADR is very important in divorce, and it became compulsory in 2024 for divorcing couples to attend a Mediation Information Assessment Meeting (MIAM) to discuss their divorce, or provide a good reason why this is not possible (e.g. there has been domestic abuse in the relationship.
However, methods like mediation, financial dispute resolution (FDR), arbitration and collaborative family law are good to explore to help you, and your children, navigate divorce.
Useful links
Avoiding Financial Mistakes
Helping your children understand your divorce
Impact of conflict during divorce on children
Start your divorce with the right negotiation mindset
Navigate the complexities of divorce with mediation
