Christmas is traditionally a time for families to come together and celebrate. However, for separated parents and their children, it can be a challenging and emotional period. Contact arrangements during the festive season often cause conflict, even when there is a Court order specifying Christmas contact arrangements.
Unless they are precisely drafted, these orders may not address precisely what is to happen on Christmas Day, Boxing Day, and over the entire Christmas / New Year period.
Here are some tips and considerations to help navigate Christmas contact effectively.
Communicate clearly and without emotive language
Many separated parents find it difficult or uncomfortable to discuss arrangements for their children, especially during the Christmas break, which is already a busy and stressful period. It is crucial to focus on the issue at hand and communicate without using emotive language. If face-to-face conversations are challenging, consider using email or a parenting App. This approach allows you to remove any emotional language and concentrate on resolving the issues. It will also serve as a protective barrier if you are concerned about abuse.
Plan well in advance
Planning ahead is essential to avoid last-minute conflicts.
Flexibility is key, as arrangements may need to change suddenly, such as when a child falls ill. In such cases, the parent with whom the child is staying should ensure that video or phone calls take place, allowing for some form of contact. Parents should try their best to work together to make amicable Christmas contact arrangements for their children, ensuring that everyone’s needs are considered.
Focus on the future
For newly separated parents, the thought of not waking up with their children on Christmas Day can be daunting.
Instead of focusing on this year, think about the Christmas contact arrangements moving forward. If your children are young, there will be plenty of Christmases to enjoy with them. Consider proposing that the children have the opportunity to wake up with each parent on alternating years. This plan often works well and ensures that both parents can share special moments with their children.
Prioritise the children’s needs
When making contact arrangements, it is important to focus on the impact on your children. This approach is also adopted by the Court, and many family lawyers encourage their clients to consider the children’s needs first and foremost.
If you live close to each other, it may be practical for the day to be shared, allowing the children to celebrate with both parents. Remember that what suits one family may not be suitable for another, so tailor your plans to meet the specific needs of your children.
Avoid asking your child to decide
It is not fair to expect children to decide who they would prefer to spend their Christmas holidays with. While you may think asking them is the fairest way, it places them under unnecessary pressure and involves them in adult issues.
No child should have to choose between parents on Christmas Day, as this can be upsetting for both the child and the parents. However, it is important to talk to your children and listen to their concerns. Reassure them and consider the contact arrangements from their perspective.
Stick to the agreed times
Time is an important factor during Christmas and can be a catalyst for arguments if set times are not respected. Ensure you turn up on time so that the children can move from one parent to the other without waiting around. Agree well in advance on who will be responsible for drop-off and collection. Remaining flexible and amicable with your former spouse regarding Christmas contact arrangements can help avoid conflicts.
Be prepared to compromise
Compromise is essential when creating contact arrangements. divorce and separation can cause reasonable, sensible people to behave out of character. By compromising, both parents can have ownership of the arrangements, which is more likely to be better for the children. Compromise helps maintain a positive environment and ensures that the children’s needs are prioritised.
Seek mediation if needed
If parents cannot agree on contact arrangements, mediation can be a helpful option. With the assistance of a mediator, parents may be able to reach an agreement. Alternatively, a round table meeting with solicitors can also be effective.
If these methods fail, going to Court to make the necessary applications is an option. This would usually involve applying for a child arrangements order to spend time with the children or varying an existing Court order. A good family law solicitor will encourage parents to put the needs of the children first. Unless there are welfare issues or domestic abuse, children should spend quality time with both parents.
Make arrangements early
To avoid disappointment, it is important to make arrangements as early as possible. If Court applications are required, they should be lodged well in advance to ensure there is enough time for the case to be heard.
The best advice is to see the Court as a last resort and make every effort to reach an agreement before issuing proceedings.
Consider the emotional impact
Christmas can be an emotionally charged time for separated families. It is important to acknowledge and address the emotional impact on both parents and children. Open communication and a willingness to understand each other’s feelings can help create a more harmonious environment. Encourage children to express their feelings and reassure them that both parents love and care for them.
Create new traditions
Creating new traditions can help make the festive season special for separated families. This could involve new activities or rituals that both parents and children can look forward to each year. New traditions can help create positive memories and provide a sense of continuity and stability for the children.
Keep the focus on the children
Throughout the process of making Christmas contact arrangements, keep the focus on the children’s well-being. Their happiness and comfort should be the primary concern. By prioritising their needs and maintaining a cooperative and flexible approach, separated parents can create a positive and enjoyable festive season for their children.
By following these tips and maintaining a clear, concise, and child-focused approach, separated parents can navigate the complexities of Christmas contact arrangements more effectively. The goal is to ensure that the festive season is a joyful and memorable time for the children, despite the challenges of separation.
How Nelsons can help
Melanie Bridgen is a Partner in our Family Law team, specialising in children law.
At Nelsons, we have a dedicated team of experts who can give specialist advice and representation. If you need advice on child contact or any related matters, please contact Melanie or another member of the team in Derby, Nottingham or Leicester on 0800 024 1976 or via our online form.
Melanie or the team will be happy to discuss your circumstances in more detail and give you more information about the services that our family law team can provide along with details of our hourly rates and fixed fee services.
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This article is for information only and does not constitute legal/financial advice. Please contact us for advice tailored to your specific position. Some of the content presented on our website has been generated with the assistance of Artificial Intelligence (AI). We ensure that all AI-generated content meets our high standards for accuracy and relevance.
