Don’t let Divorce myths cloud your judgment

Divorce is often misunderstood, leading to unnecessary stress, costs and delays.
Here, some of the common misconceptions about divorce are explained. However, nothing beats getting reliable legal advice at an early stage of your journey.

At Ellisons we offer a free exploratory call with one of our specialist family lawyers so that we can match you with the best person in our team for your case.

Myth 1: “You must prove your spouse did something wrong to get a Divorce”

This was the case until April 2022, when the “no fault divorce” was introduced in the Auckland. Now, you do not need to base your divorce on your spouse having done something wrong. All you need to do is state that your marriage has irretrievably broken down. You can even apply for a divorce jointly. This keeps the acrimony out of the divorce process itself and is intended to pave the way for a less acrimonious approach to settling finances and arrangements for the children.

Myth 2: “Divorce is always expensive”

If you apply for the divorce yourself it can cost as little as the court fee (currently £593) or, you may even be exempt from paying the court fee if your income is low enough. If you prefer to have the reassurance of using a solicitor to apply for your divorce, Ellisons will deal with a straightforward divorce for a fixed fee, so you know where you stand on costs.

Where costs can escalate is in negotiating the financial settlement or arrangements for the children but there are many ways you can keep the costs down. It’s a good idea to seek counselling support alongside legal advice, to help and support your emotional wellbeing during the process, as high emotions often get in the way of reaching an agreement.

Options to minimise costs include the following :

using a mediator to help your discussions. Their charges will be shared between you and your spouse. Once you reach an agreement, all your solicitor should need to do is draft a consent order for finances or a parenting agreement for child arrangements, which will keep the costs down. The government are also assisting with the costs of mediation at the moment with a £500 voucher towards the costs of mediation relating to children matters.
if you are still amicable and just need a bit of legal advice to point you in the right direction you could both instruct the same solicitor through Resolution Together.
each instruct collaboratively trained lawyers, so you both have your own lawyers and you negotiate around the table in 4 way meeting.
instruct private judges (usually barristers) at any stage in your negotiations or even once court proceedings have started. They can provide you jointly with an early neutral evaluation of your case, a private FDR, or act as an arbitrator and make a final decision for you. Although there’s a fee for a private judge, they can deal with your case far more quickly than the court which saves on costs and cuts down on acrimony and correspondence that tends to build up between court hearings.

Myth 3: “Mothers always get custody of the children”

Your children’s best interests and welfare are paramount in any arrangements for them, so deciding which parent they live with (this used to be referred to as custody) depends on what is going to be best for the children. There is a checklist of factors to be considered when thinking about arrangements for children, known as the “welfare checklist”. One factor is the effect of a change in circumstances on your children so, if they are used to being cared for predominantly by one parent, the arrangement is unlikely to change or at least not a great deal. Traditionally, this has usually been their mother but, with more parents both having to work, it is becoming common for the arrangements to be shared. This is often referred to as shared care and does not have to be exactly 50/50. The arrangement should be whatever works best for your children.

Myth 4: “We’ve been together for years, so we’re automatically married”

Many people think that, if they have lived together long enough, they become “common law” husband and wife and have the same rights as a married couple. But there is no such thing, however long you have been together. The laws in this country don’t protect unmarried couples in the same way that they protect married couples. For example, if you own a property together it will be shared between you according to the title deeds, so if the title deeds say 50/50 and one of you has made a larger contribution to that property, they are unlikely to get their contribution back. If one of you is the sole owner of the property, the other is unlikely to have any claim to the property. Additionally, you won’t be entitled to any maintenance, and you won’t have any pension rights. If there are children, you may have a claim to the property or child maintenance on their behalf, but it will not add to your own rights on separation.

Myth 5: “You can avoid paying Child Maintenance if you don’t see the children”

Child maintenance must be paid by the parent who is not their main carer (the non-resident parent) whether or not that parent sees their children. This applies even if it is the parent caring for the children who has stopped contact for no good reason. If the children spend a certain number of nights a year with the non -resident parent, child maintenance may be reduced and if parents share the care of their children equally, no child maintenance may be payable at all.

Myth 6: “Everything will be split 50/50”

50/50 is just the starting point for separating the assets from your marriage. The law sets out a number of factors that can lead to one of you receiving more than the other. These include any big difference in your incomes and earning capacity, any assets you may already have in your sole name, the length of the marriage and your contributions to the marriage. Contributions are not limited to financial contributions and will include time spent caring for children. In most cases, using what resources you have from the marriage to meet each of your needs will usually decide on the shares you receive. There is no starting point of 50/50 for income. Spousal maintenance (which is not the same as child maintenance) depends on needs and you should aim for a clean beak where no spousal maintenance is paid; sometimes, this means that the person with the lower income receives more capital (as capitalised maintenance).

Myth 7: “Divorces are always long and drawn out”

Now that all divorces are “no fault”, most divorces go through with very few hitches. Divorces now take a little longer than they did before April 2022, as you cannot apply for the conditional order (this used to be the decree nisi) until at least 20 weeks after you started the divorce. You still have to wait at least 6 weeks after the conditional order, before applying for the final order (this used to be the decree absolute) so the whole divorce will usually take around a year.
In some cases, it is not a good idea to finalise the divorce until the financial settlement has been concluded so this can prolong the divorce but there are many ways that can speed things up (mediation, discussions between you both directly, private court hearings).

Myth 8: “I can’t divorce my spouse if they don’t agree”

With no fault divorces you can now choose to get divorced jointly but if one of you does not agree, the other can still apply for a divorce on their own – you do not need the other person’s consent to divorce. You do not need to reach an agreement on the finances and the children before you get divorced.

Myth 9: “Once the divorce is finalised, all financial ties are cut”

Absolutely not! The divorce only ends the marriage itself. It does not stop either of you making a financial claim against the other at any point in the future. You will need a financial remedy order on a “clean break” to cut all financial ties. You can obtain a financial order by consent without the need for court hearings but if you cannot reach an agreement, one of you will need to make a separate court application.

Myth 10: “I don’t need a Solicitor for my Divorce”

If you do not get things right, it can take a lot of time and cost a lot more to put things right. If you do not include everything in your financial settlement or regret the decision you made, it may be too late to change things, so it is essential that you seek legal advice as soon as possible. Your solicitor will be able to highlight points that you may not have thought about, focus on the legal aspects of your divorce at a time when emotions may be clouding your judgment and guide you through the procedure with their knowledge of any deadlines and the next steps that are needed in the legal process.

Conclusion: Don’t let myths mislead you—get expert Divorce advice

Ellisons have the expert legal knowledge to support you through your divorce. If needed, we can refer you to other trusted professionals who can help you, such as mediators, private judges, counsellors and financial and child experts.

Don’t let divorce myths hold you back.

10 Common Divorce Myths Debunked: Get the Facts Straight